HEAD and/or HEART

(written April 15,2015)

Slumped on my couch, I am sobbing harder and louder than the rain pouring outside.   The, “I’m going to have a major headache if I don’t stop this” kind of crying.   What’s wrong with me?  My head and my heart are on opposite sides of an event that is occurring in my life.  Logically it is a good thing.  Emotionally I am devastated.  Let’s go back a few months.

My daughter and son-in-law decided they needed a larger house with some property for their dogs.  They were in the right place in their lives to make this happen and everyone was excited.  Their current home went on the market in March and sold in three  days for full asking price.  They had already seen a new home they liked and when they started to talk seriously a deal fell into place.  I was so happy for them.  To see your children grow up, do well and be settled is a glorious feeling.

Driving to the market today I passed the house they are selling, which is six blocks from my home.  The “under contract” sign is up, as it has been for three weeks.   There is a huge U-Haul truck in the driveway because today is moving day.  I started crying.  Seeing the truck made it all real.  While shopping  I sniffled and tried to stay calm.  Driving by the house again on the way back I lost control.

Now I’m on the couch, gasping for breath and mad at myself for falling apart.   I know this is a good move for them.  I want what they want for themselves.  I am really glad it went so smoothly.  My head is doing fine.

My heart is sad, grieving, devastated and missing them already.  We don’t see each other everyday or even every week.  I go down and take care of the dogs when they’re going to be late from work.  My son-in-law stops by to make “welfare  checks” when he hasn’t seen me in awhile. They drive-by and honk or stop in for a minute when they are out walking.  I know they are close and it is a comfort to me.

My head knows my reaction today is out-of-proportion to the circumstance.  My feelings are not logical,  but very real. Feelings are not right or wrong: they just ARE.   Well, I’m sad about this move and so today, and whenever I need to, I’ll cry and feel lonely and wallow for a little bit.  Then I’ll stop and remember how glad I am for them and how grateful that their dreams are coming true.

P.S.  The new house is only six miles away.

 

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